The Field Guide to North American Males
SPECIES:
Cranial Males
SUBSPECIES:
The Hacker (homo computatis)
Description:
Gangly and frail, the hacker has a high forehead and thinning hair.
Head disproportionately large and crooked forward, complexion wan and sightly gray from CRT illumination. He has heavy black-rimmed glasses and a look of intense concentration, which may be due to a software problem or to a pork-and-bean breakfast.
Feathering:
HOMO COMPUTATIS saw a Brylcreem ad fifteen years ago and believed it. Consequently, crest is greased down, except for the cowlick.
Song:
A rather plaintive “Is it up?”
Courtship & Mating:
Due to extreme deprivation, HOMO COMPUTATIS maintains a near perpetual state of sexual readiness. Courtship behavior alternates between awkward shyness and abrupt advances. When he finally mates, he chooses a female engineer with an unblinking stare, a tight mouth, and a complete collection of Campbell’s soup-can recipes.
Track:
Trash cans full of pale green and white perforated paper and old copies of the Allen-Bradley catalog.
Comments:
Extremely fond of bad puns and jokes that need long explanations.
Plumage:
All clothes have a slightly crumpled look as though they came off the top of the laundry basket. Style varies with status. Hacker managers wear gray polyester slacks, pink or pastel shirts with wide collars, and paisley ties; staff wears cinched-up baggy corduroy pants, white or blue shirts with button-down collars, and penholder in pocket.
Both managers and staff wear running shoes to work, and a black plastic digital watch with calculator.
